So, thus far my semester hasn't been the greatest. I wasnt kidding when I said I am bad at change. Living at the BCM, being a staff member and not just being a student who is super cool and always up for playing with everyone...it really is hard to tell what else has been not good, i've just been in a funk with no excuses. Another thing is that I hate being left out. And this semester I felt like God left me out...gah, i hate being left out. Everyone my age is moving on and getting married or engaged, I don't even know if I would want to do either of those things right now...but I didnt want everyone to do it without me either. I wish that I could sit here and say that I am super spiritual and even though I was left out I was super perfect and faithful no matter what, but the truth is...I was super mad at God. I was so angry with Him for leaving me out that I tried to leave him out of my personal life. I was all about praying for ministry and other people and for me and international students but I wasnt letting him in at all. If He wanted to leave me out then that was fine, I would leave him out as well.
And I was doing that without even knowing it. Until this past week when the Lord opened my eyes and showed me first of all that i was mad at him, and second of all why i was mad and what the consequences were. And then last week...last week the clouds moved and the sun shone down and I felt good for the first time this semester. Genuinely happy and excited about life. God more than loves me. God loves to wow us. I hate when plain words arent enough to describe something. The words I know just aren't enough. God is...exquisite, that word just barely begins to describe a tiny morsel of His beauty. Maybe I can try to explain...
I know very little about international ministry. I am learning but I still know very little. I am also a procrastinator and I have also never been to an international event. That being said, we had our first SNT this past saturday...well Melissa couldnt be here and I tend to be a little too laid back about things but I always just assume that everything will be fine. So, when there is no one here at three I simply thought great, more time to go tailgate! So tailgate i did...then I get a phone call at about 4:45 from Heather who is flipping out because no one is at the BCM cooking. I of course am not aware that this is a huge deal but apparently they typically start cooking at 1. haha, oops. So i start by calming heather down and then I proceed to hunt international students. Everyone ends up being found and they start cooking. Apparently they were also very stressed out by the lack of time but i just kept telling everyone to calm down, and that everything was going to be wonderful. Which of course I had no idea if things were going to be good or not but i knew the gospel was going to be shared and that was enough for me! Well, people start showing up, and then the room fills pretty quickly when Heather comes to me and tells me that there are 75 international students in the room. I am again not aware that this is a huge deal, until she tells me that she has never seen this many students here before. Then I look around and see a full room and I start to think about how many of these students may have never clearly heard the gospel before...and I knew that God was so excited that I was completely inadaquate because no part of me looked around that room and congratulated myself for great planning and excellent inviting... no, i knew better, saturday night belonged to God and I am so thankful I got to be a part of it!
One last example, I have been praying along with a lot of my family that my grandfather would become a believer. My grandmother has invited the preacher to talk to him and tried to get him to accept Christ but he just hasn't. Well, on sunday mornings they arent able to get out so they watch Joel Osteen along with other people on tv for church. I always try to explain how much I hate this and how they should just spend time with the Lord instead, but since I am the youngest member of my entire family people tend to ignore me, which is typically a good thing. This is no different, my mom was hangin out with them this morning and they were watching a preacher on tv when at the end they ask if you would like to know the Lord then you should repeat the prayer after them...she said she heard someone talking and looked across the room to my grandfather who had his head bowed and was praying to recieve Christ. She then told me that she was overwhelmed by the holy spirit and walked outside to cry and pray. Praise the Lord that He is wonderful and perfect and can and will work in places we have never dreamed of. This weekend just reminded me of how He would love for me to do ministry with him but in no way does he need me so when i dont step up its my fault.
"My grace is sufficient for you my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
