i love my dad.

Is it weird that I love my dad so much that I cry? haha, my dad says some of the most awkward/embarrassing things and sometimes he can be so weird but I love him with my entire soul. When I was little and we would watch something where the girl gets married and her dad has to give her away...I remember going to my room and crying myself to sleep because I would never do that to my dad. I swore that if it hurt his feelings for me to get married then it was something that I would never do. When I was little I can remember him chasing me being Pepe Le Peu and tickling me to get me ready for sleep. Over the years we have spent so much time together and neither one of us had to chat incessently through it all...just watch tv and love each other. So many movies I would never want to watch with anyone else...Prancer, It's a Wonderful Life, Father of the Bride. He watched so many lame girl shows with me...from gilmore girls to dawsons creek and we'd talk about life and love through it all. Endless hours of watching softball and baseball. Endless stories have been heard by this man...I don't even mind if he tunes me out at all and I'm not sure why because with anyone else that would drive me nuts. And I love my mom and my sister desperately but for some reason when I need a good cry he's the one I want there. I remember when it was time for me to graduate from high school and I came home from a game and I just looked at him and started crying...when my heart was hurting this past summer I called my dad and sobbed. He loves the Lord and my mom and my sister and me. He is no where near perfect, but don't bother telling my heart that...it doesn't care. In my eyes he will always be the best man in the world and I will always cry at a father/daughter story and he will always be the first man I ever loved.

EEEK.

This week/weekend has been absolutely gorgeous!!!! Kinda makes me wanna never leave my room, but listen to music and day dream all day long. It's so happy. And I get to go through one of those happy phases where I don't need people around me at all times...and I love when my heart lets me do that. One another note, I have no clue of what I should do next year. Sigh, what on earth should I do with the next phase of my life. Who knows but I'm kind of excited...I know the Lord wants me to step away from the BCM and all that I have known that comes with that. The BCM has been my comfort and shelter during the biggest spiritual growth in my entire life and it's time for me to grow some more...and I think I've grown all I can here. God has more than shown me that He will provide family for me whereever it is that I end up. I feel like I am always hearing someone talk about how the body of Christ has let them down...its easy to put them on a pedastool and feel disappointed when they don't quite measure up...but its the arms of Christ that reached out to me through what are now precious friends. I trust the body of Christ...I choose to believe that there are people all over the world eager to meet new people and love them as He loved and continues to love us. Sigh...I am excited...and confused...not to mention a little nervous. But nonetheless I am in love with February 9, 2009 because it is B E A UTIFUL!!!!!

Tag, I'm it...

So i have always hated the game tag, mostly because I am not a fast kid...never have been even when I ran every blessed day of my life...however I am competitive so its a game I am doomed to e no good at in the least bit. This is apparently true in the world of blogging as well. Nat and Pate both stinking tagged me to do this random things list so here i go...but for the record just know that it is hard to think of random things about myself because its not random to me..for me everything I do is completely and utterly natural.

ok..how long is this list supposed to be? no clue, there fore 7 things will be on my list.

1) When I was little I wanted to move to New York City. No idea why but I always knew I was going to be famous and that is where famous people live

2) The list of things I wanted to be when I grew up.... a singer, an actress, first girl in the NBA, first girl to play in the world series, a farmer and a youth pastor.

3) I am one of those people that sing when they don't realize it. When ever my mind goes blank for some reason songs come out. I dont understand it but people that live with me typically get used to it. I mean i hope so, for their sake.

4) I hate change but you already know that.

5) Ironically enough, I have always known that I was going to change the world someday so when I was little I would make sure to touch everything in stores just so I knew that they were impacted by my existence if even in the smallest of ways.

6) I get embarrassed by things that other people dont find embarrassing and I say things that embarrass other people. I am still a 10 year old that will not think twice about hitting you in the head if you mention the boys name that I like or even have pondered liking in a public place.

7) Lastly, I hate letting the world know what my heart is thinking or feeling. It's as if some people can only know me as a super cool, super tough, athletic, funny girl while few others get to know me as the pretty pink princess that dreams of dancing with the prince among the stars and cries when her you hurt her heart.

That's all folks. Im gonna tag Rhino cause hes the bloggin king right now so this can give him something to yammer on about.

It's a world of laughter a world of tears, a world of hope and a world of fears

hello blogeritas. I am so stoked about this weekend about this weekend and Thanksgiving! Praise the Lord for breaks and the beautiful state of Tennessee. I am obsessed with my family, Praise the Lord for them as well. Thank you, Jesus! I've been staying at the Rileys this week, gah not living at the B for a week is the best thing I could have ever done for restoration of my soul. I am glad to be alive. I sing in the morning on the way to work, I spend time with the Lord every morning. I dont have to get dressed in the living room and walk get home to a dark room and wake up to a dark room. I can live life on my own schedule. Its the little things in life really. I am trying so hard to learn about simply walking in obedience and trusting the Lord. I am here to change the world, and make a difference in people's lives. I get to choose whether my life is stinking exciting or just plain stinkin. There are going to be good days and bad ones. There are going to be new crushes at some point. Those were fun, ya know the real ones that actually last a bit opposed to the 2 second ones I've had this year. One day I wont be here. I wont live in the B, I wont work at the B, I wont go to class... none of that. And when it's all said and done I hope to look back and know that I lived every second of my existence to the fullest. God is such a cool kid. Im lucky to call myself a servant. Help me live up to my title Jesus. After all, as they say in the hood, playas gotta play.

the office, 76 lb bag of snickers, laughing so hard i slobber, my new fave outiit, eye twitches

1. I am a loser. I have fell in love with the office. Some may ask, why does this make you a loser. Well, as I have previously mentioned I hate to be left out. Okay, well then. I am a loser because I only started watching the office because I felt left out because all of my friends thought it was funny and I didnt. So, i have started at season one. And, I must be honest now and say that I have officially watched three seasons as well as the commentaries. Embarrassing, I know. They are now my friends...my FUNNY friends. I find myself praying for a hilarious husband after every episode. Biblical, I know...that's what the Lord wants you to desire in a good husband...comedy. Right? Right! okay...

2. My roommate is gone for the day. There is a MASSIVE bag of snickers by her bed. I want to eat every single snickers, but I am practicing self-control. It is 1:00 pm, she will be back sometime tonight...pray for me.

3. Before I wrote in my blog, I read someone else's blog. I laughed really hard for a really long time. I thought there would be zero consequences for that action. That is until I start to type and feel my wrist become moist. eww. I am gross.

4. I bought pj pants at old gravy(aka old navy) for $4. They are pink with a bow, I also bought a green tank top for $4.Thus my new favorite outfit exists. I love pajamas. the end.

5. So, last year I went on a date with a guy. During this date my eye twitched the ENTIRE night. Because of this mistake I made in my life by dating said human being, God has decided that sporadically for the rest of my life my eye will twitch. Sigh, I think it is some sort of deteriorating disease, you should also know that I am homophobic. No, I meant ...um...hypochondriac. sorry, i really did say homophobic in my head on accident. my apologies.

sigh...

So, thus far my semester hasn't been the greatest. I wasnt kidding when I said I am bad at change. Living at the BCM, being a staff member and not just being a student who is super cool and always up for playing with everyone...it really is hard to tell what else has been not good, i've just been in a funk with no excuses. Another thing is that I hate being left out. And this semester I felt like God left me out...gah, i hate being left out. Everyone my age is moving on and getting married or engaged, I don't even know if I would want to do either of those things right now...but I didnt want everyone to do it without me either. I wish that I could sit here and say that I am super spiritual and even though I was left out I was super perfect and faithful no matter what, but the truth is...I was super mad at God. I was so angry with Him for leaving me out that I tried to leave him out of my personal life. I was all about praying for ministry and other people and for me and international students but I wasnt letting him in at all. If He wanted to leave me out then that was fine, I would leave him out as well.

And I was doing that without even knowing it. Until this past week when the Lord opened my eyes and showed me first of all that i was mad at him, and second of all why i was mad and what the consequences were. And then last week...last week the clouds moved and the sun shone down and I felt good for the first time this semester. Genuinely happy and excited about life. God more than loves me. God loves to wow us. I hate when plain words arent enough to describe something. The words I know just aren't enough. God is...exquisite, that word just barely begins to describe a tiny morsel of His beauty. Maybe I can try to explain...

I know very little about international ministry. I am learning but I still know very little. I am also a procrastinator and I have also never been to an international event. That being said, we had our first SNT this past saturday...well Melissa couldnt be here and I tend to be a little too laid back about things but I always just assume that everything will be fine. So, when there is no one here at three I simply thought great, more time to go tailgate! So tailgate i did...then I get a phone call at about 4:45 from Heather who is flipping out because no one is at the BCM cooking. I of course am not aware that this is a huge deal but apparently they typically start cooking at 1. haha, oops. So i start by calming heather down and then I proceed to hunt international students. Everyone ends up being found and they start cooking. Apparently they were also very stressed out by the lack of time but i just kept telling everyone to calm down, and that everything was going to be wonderful. Which of course I had no idea if things were going to be good or not but i knew the gospel was going to be shared and that was enough for me! Well, people start showing up, and then the room fills pretty quickly when Heather comes to me and tells me that there are 75 international students in the room. I am again not aware that this is a huge deal, until she tells me that she has never seen this many students here before. Then I look around and see a full room and I start to think about how many of these students may have never clearly heard the gospel before...and I knew that God was so excited that I was completely inadaquate because no part of me looked around that room and congratulated myself for great planning and excellent inviting... no, i knew better, saturday night belonged to God and I am so thankful I got to be a part of it!

One last example, I have been praying along with a lot of my family that my grandfather would become a believer. My grandmother has invited the preacher to talk to him and tried to get him to accept Christ but he just hasn't. Well, on sunday mornings they arent able to get out so they watch Joel Osteen along with other people on tv for church. I always try to explain how much I hate this and how they should just spend time with the Lord instead, but since I am the youngest member of my entire family people tend to ignore me, which is typically a good thing. This is no different, my mom was hangin out with them this morning and they were watching a preacher on tv when at the end they ask if you would like to know the Lord then you should repeat the prayer after them...she said she heard someone talking and looked across the room to my grandfather who had his head bowed and was praying to recieve Christ. She then told me that she was overwhelmed by the holy spirit and walked outside to cry and pray. Praise the Lord that He is wonderful and perfect and can and will work in places we have never dreamed of. This weekend just reminded me of how He would love for me to do ministry with him but in no way does he need me so when i dont step up its my fault.


"My grace is sufficient for you my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Grown up?

"Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down."
Drop Dead Fred

I've always promised myself that I was never ever going to grow up. It goes against everything I believe in. Fred could only be your friend if you never grew up, you can only see Santa Claus and the Polar Express if you promise to never grow up. You can only believe in the magic of Disney World if you never ever grow up. I always want to be able to love everyone the way kids can. I want to be able to look at you with an open mind and just love without asking any questions.
But lately it seems that even I am desiring to be a grown up. I just don't care if I'm out watching people have a dance party til 2 am anymore. It's not that I don't love the people that are there and want to want to be there...the fact of the matter is that I just really would rather be not there. Ha, it's weird because it's almost as if I find myself craving a quieter existence. And I feel like that is not me...I am having such a hard time thinking through what grown up Kristi looks like. Ugh, Fred would be so disappointed. But I guess I don't live to be peter pan forever. I don't serve an imaginary friend in a movie... I serve God. And part of me thinks that if I have this weird need to grow up a little, that maybe it doesn't mean that I won't cry at Disney World fireworks, and gasp the first time I see Santa's in the mall every year. Maybe it just means that I will grow up and still love things the way I always have, but for the Lord and however He sees that fit. Gah, my life seems so simple to me this year...but I often find myself feeling confused!